8/2/2011 11:00 AM
Every now and again when online dating, I’m faced with a very persistent potential suitor. Now, as are most people today, I’m kind of busy. I don’t generally respond to messages within 15 minutes of them reaching my inbox. It’s a bad sign when, after said 15 minutes, I get a second message asking why I haven’t replied. I typically don’t respond to these messages.
But still, these guys sometimes press on. The third message will say something like, “Oh, too good for me?” Mind you, I’m still at work when these messages are being sent. I’m not actively ignoring anything, I just have a life outside of online dating. The fourth message is usually a plea: “Just give me a chance!”
When I get the chance, at that point, I generally send a message that politely says, “Thanks, but I’m not interested.” Guys – if a girl says she is not interested after you’ve sent four unanswered messages? It’s because you’ve sent FOUR UNANSWERED MESSAGES and you’re being creepy. Tone it down.
So you’d think that’d be the end of it, right? I wish. Nine times out of ten, the guy will spit back something that includes either the B word or the C word (or BOTH, if I've really hit the jackpot). Now, I don’t know about you, but calling a girl the C-word (and if you’re not sure what C-word I’m talking about, it’s the "C U Next Tuesday" one. Follow?) is NOT COOL, and it is definitely not a good way to get her to go on a date with you. In fact, it makes you kind of seem like an axe murderer. If you can’t handle polite rejection in the form of an email, how do you react to actual rejection – after a few dates, or after a long-term relationship that breaks down? How many REAL skeletons are in your closet?
So why does the simple “I’m not interested” inspire so much rage? Why the name-calling? Putting women on pedestals that are so high that you need to knock them down with the B-or-C-word is not okay. Learn to take casual rejection like this in stride, and move on. If she doesn’t want to date you, why get mad at her? Do you want to date someone who isn’t interested in you? Of course not!
The next time you get the urge to send a woman multiple messages, stop. Take a deep breath and step away from your keyboard. Wait until she responds to your first message before you send another. And if she doesn’t respond, simply move along. Keep the spiteful, bitter resentment to yourself, and message someone new.