11/30/2011 12:12 PM
Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Asking the question, “why do men cheat” is only the first step in understanding a disastrous relationship problem.
In order to come to a conclusion as to why men cheat, a clear cut definition of infidelity and what constitutes a relationship must be agreed on. Without a clear understanding of this, women may actually encourage this infidelity without realizing it. People who are interested in why affairs happen in the first place may want to assess the complexities of the human brain. There are many factors that go into an affair on both sides of the relationship. Deciding what type of relationship a person wants to have is necessary for personal happiness. Having a partner who has the same goals and expectations is going to be a vital part of a happy relationship.
Defining Infidelity Depends on Who is Answering the Question
Most people can say that if some physical interaction happens between two people that this would be cheating. People try to decipher these physical interactions in many ways depending on the situation. A onetime drunken kiss may be excusable to one person but not another. These opinions and the people offering them can make it quite confusing to understand why a man would cheat in the first place.
Certain people feel that if a relationship suffers as a result of paying attention to another is an affair. Emotional affairs happen quite often at the office, on the Internet and casual friendships that turn quickly into much more. Emotional affairs may take the place of a factor that is missing in the relationship.
Other people define an affair as only when an act is strictly physical. Crossing physical barriers may be the breaking point in a relationship. Such claims can stretch the physical barrier into outrageous excuses and turns cheating into malleable definitions.
The definition of cheating comes down to whether the other person feels hurt or betrayed by their partner’s actions. Lying about a lap dance may be devastating to one couple, where another might take such a confession in stride. Expectations from the relationship are going to define what cheating may be.
So many times women hear that, after marriage, they let themselves go, gain weight, and stop dressing up. There is always the running joke about sexless marriages with the finger pointing straight at the inattentive wife instead of asking exactly why men cheat. Women go to considerable lengths to keep their men from straying because they believe lies about being fat, ugly and asexual. Motivation to cheat is not about sweatpants and unwashed hair.
The female species are natural caretakers. They want to fix their men, their relationships and themselves. When a woman suspects her man of cheating, she will automatically question herself, “what did I do to make him stray?” What a woman should consider is why a man thinks he can get away with breaking the boundaries of their relationship.
Any man is capable of cheating for a variety of reasons. Choosing a man who has the same goals and ideas about monogamy is going to determine the fidelity of a relationship. It is necessary to both parties to have an understanding of what that commitment means. If a man knows their partner will not tolerate a crossing of boundaries, he may pause before taking a risky encounter too far.
It takes more than a threat of leaving to keep a man from straying. Men are either going to cheat or not depending on how they feel about the relationship. Women cannot control this, nor should they try. What a woman does need to do is focus on the relationship, themselves and the quality of life she and her man can achieve together.
Sowing Seeds of Sadness
The old argument of nature versus nurture may come into play about whether a man is going to cheat. Sadly, research gives conflicting results about what percentage of men cheat on their spouses. Reasons why a man cheats vary from basic hunter/forager needs to boredom.
Ten Excuses for Cheating:
1. It is possible to consider that ancestry may be to blame. The thrill of the hunt and excitement of a new relationship can be an excellent motivator.
2. Men can separate sex and love into separate definitions. Casual dates for a man may be viewed as a committed relationship to a woman.
3. Some men may see the immediate excitement of an affair outweighs the benefits they are receiving from a relationship. They may think their partner may never leave, and they will get away with infidelity.
4. The immediate temptation technology provides makes cheating and not getting caught easier. There are even websites dedicated for attached people looking to have an affair.
5. As a relationship ages, tolerance of annoying habits begins to shorten. The ego booster of a new person not caring about leaving the toilet seat up is quite engaging.
6. A relationship may have a degree of sexual incompatibility. If a man wants more sex than a woman is capable of providing, he may stray.
7. Many times people will grow apart during their relationship. The disconnection may only be relieved by cheating if it is too painful to break off the relationship. Cheating can be a symptom of a much bigger problem.
8. Everyone’s definition of cheating is different.
9. Some men will cheat to avoid intimacy and commitment. It is a matter of not giving up control to someone else.
10. Sometimes men learn from life experiences, or role models that cheating is okay.
When the honeymoon stage is over, couples realize that a relationship is going to take a lot of hard work. Vacuuming the house in the buff is not going to keep a man from straying. Neither is constantly questioning why do men cheat in the first place. Staying on the same page with each other and striving for a strong relationship will help to weather through the nagging and baby puke. Instead of figuring out what percentage of men cheat, it is best to know that the majority of men believe infidelity is wrong.