9/7/2012 3:53 PM
I was chatting about dating with some friends the other day, and the guys all shared one opinion: it’s about time that women started picking up some of the responsibility for initial approaches. And, they’re absolutely right. We’re at a point where women often earn more, and collect more degrees than the guys; why do we hang back in “traditional” roles in this one area?
There are a lot of reasons, but, none of them are really good ones. A few observations on why:
Because we’ve never had to.
Men making the first approach, men initiating the first date, and so on, is just the way it’s always been. Most women have had the luxury of never having to make the first move. But, if you are finding that there are some holes in your social calendar, there is no reason that you should not be the one to go about filling them.
Because rejection is fucking scary.
Approaching someone, and risking getting shot down, is intimidating. It’s very easy to get your ego all wrapped up in what some stranger thinks of you. It’s not at all surprising to be afraid that someone will find you unattractive, overly forward, or think that you have only stupid and awkward things to say.
However, most guys who you would approach would, at the very least, be polite. Anyone who is a jerk about it probably would be jerky under other circumstances, as well. And, realistically, women who approach men are taking on a lot less risk than men who approach women. One of the results of a recent study indicated that men are more receptive to come ons than women are. You really do not have much to lose.
Overcome your fears and get out there to make the first move.
Because we are a bit clueless on the “how”.
On the supremely sharp, insightful and funny blog The Fooler Initiative, the author talks about her night of turning the tables and approaching the guys. She does pretty well, striking up a conversation with a friendly, mildly flirtatious guy with whom she chats amiably for several minutes before he leaves with his friends.
And then, she never even thinks of asking for his number. You know something? Back in my single days, I never had a problem sparking up an initial conversation with someone interesting. But, I don’t think I ever made the move of asking for someone’s number, either. I don’t think it would have occurred to me. We’d eventually go back to the traditional script of him asking for mine, or, I’d surmise that he was not interested after all. So, ladies, when you take on the task: make sure you don’t forget the game halfway down the field.