It shouldn’t need to be said. But, I see a lot of people getting defensive and insecure when casual sex is mentioned. These people feel out of step or even attacked because they are not into hook up sex. And, you know what? That’s perfectly normal and fine, too.

A lot of people swear off one night stands when they discover that, for them, hook up sex isn’t that great. If this is true of you, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not sexually deficient in some way. First time sex with anyone is often not the best. You’re getting used to a new body. That sort of ultra-close physical proximity with someone you don’t know can be a little uncomfortable and awkward. There’s a lot of bumped elbows and wondering if you’re doing what they like. With hook-ups and one night stands, you usually only get a first time; so, if it’s hard for your to relax during what’s going to be your only encounter, it’s natural that this type of sex will probably not appeal to you.

There are also a lot of people out there who, for various reasons, are not at all into sex without an emotional connection. Some feel strongly enough about this that they consider it part of their sexual orientation. For others, it’s a moral position. Many people aren’t excited by the idea of hook ups because they just don’t get the desire to. As it turns out, the linear model of arousal from Masters and Johnson is not the way that sexual arousal works for everyone. More recently, a researcher named Rosemary Basson came up with a non-linear model that incorporates emotional happiness, trust and other factors that affect some people’s sexual urges. For those whose drives more resemble the Basson model, a one night stand would hold little appeal.

In the end, your sexual tastes are your sexual tastes. No one is deficient and inferior for having ones that are different from current norms. What is important is to know what you want and to be assertive enough to seek it out.

Photo: duchesssa