2/16/2011 1:33 PM
When it comes to marriage, many men (and women for that matter) want to be 100% sure they have met The One before heading down the altar. However, as an article in The Good Men Project points out waiting for absolute certainty before marriage may do more harm than good.
“Most guys see certainty as the total absence of doubt, and so they keep imagining that settling down is what you do when you’re 100 percent sure about someone,” Hugo Schwyzer writes in the article titled Why Don’t Men Settle Down?. “Problem is, it’s damn near impossible to be 100 percent sure about anything.”
Schwyzer goes on to argue that maturing means letting go of what he calls “that burning bush moment” and realizing that certainty comes after making a commitment to a woman, not before it. Waiting for that perfect moment when all doubt other is vanquished only holds women hostage to men’s indecisiveness, or so Schwyzer says.
While I agree with the author’s assertion that too many people wait for a perfect moment that will never come when deciding on a marriage partner, it’s the part about certainty coming after a commitment, not before, that I find disturbing. I would like to think my significant other was reasonably certain about me before the two of us got married, just as I was reasonably certain about him. The key word there is reasonable. It seems too many people have unrealistic expectations about how they should feel about a partner before getting married.
Here’s a good example from Schwyzer's article:
“A friend once told me, ’l’ll know I’ve met the one when I don’t want to screw any of her friends, no matter how hot they are.’ He would know he’d met his future wife when monogamy would seem effortless. For him, being ‘struck by certainty’ would mean the complete absence of interest in ever having sex with anyone other than his ‘one.’”
An ideal situation, yes, but certainly not a realistic scenario for any man or woman.
What do you think? How sure do you want to be before settling down with a partner? Absolutely, 100% certain? Or is a little doubt okay?