7/16/2012 1:39 PM
Few people hit a homerun their first time at bat. When dating online, chances are, you are going to have a few relationships not work out before one finally does. But, how do you gracefully extricate yourself from a relationship that just isn’t going to work for you? Here are our tips for getting out at any stage:
Stage: Chatting Online
You’ve exchanged a few emails, and maybe chatted on SafeCalls. And, you’re not feeling it. If you’ve only emailed once or twice, it’s perfectly acceptable to stop responding. No one expects a commitment from someone whose voice they’ve never heard. If you’ve actually chatted on the phone, a “this isn’t working” email is in order. Keep it short and pleasant. Don’t complain about the person’s faults; just let them know that you do not think that you are a match, but, you wish them luck in their search.
Stage: One to Three Dates
You’ve met in person, and the sparks failed to fly. Jenna Couture, relationship expert and Planet Love Match Radio guest says that a phone or email break up is fine. “Tell them, ‘I think you’re great; this is not going to work out; I wish you the best’,” she says. You can give a reason if they ask you for one, but generally, people do not want to know why they were dumped. Barring egregiously bad behavior – which would merit simply blocking their number – there is no reason to be cruel. You weren’t a match, and that’s not a big deal. It’s kinder to let someone know that you are not interested than to simply start dodging their calls.
Stage: Post Intimacy
If you’ve gotten as far as sex, you are obligated to break up in person. Do the break up somewhere public where you can still talk privately. Arrange to meet there instead of driving together, unless you want a really awkward ride home. The public break up serves two purposes: you are both obligated to avoid shouting or theatrics; and, no one is in the other person’s territory. You do not want a hysterical brand new ex refusing to hanging around your place while they go insane.
As with any other break up, it is best to simply tell your soon-to-be ex that it’s over, and not linger over a long list of faults. After all, what do you want from this conversation? You want out of the relationship. You can accomplish that without getting into an acrimonious break up fight. If you decide that you do want to list the reasons you are leaving, be prepared to hear a long list of your own. This could get ugly.
The ending of a relationship, particularly if it was not a long one, does not have to be a huge negative thing. It isn’t one person’s fault, nor is it proof that your ex is a bad person. Even when we are splitting up with someone, we can be kind and respectful. In the end, you two might even be friends.