9/12/2012 9:51 AM
Breakups are tough. No matter how acrimonious your split, many people are unable to resist the temptation to dwell on better times. Or, even worse, you keep getting back together, even though you both know that it doesn’t work. Getting over your ex for good is going to take some radical, nuke-it-from-orbit action. The things you need to do:
Avoid Seeing Each Other
This can be hard if you share a lot of the same friends and enjoy the same hang outs. If things between you are civil, try negotiating which of you gets to go where and when. He gets Saturday at the pub, she gets Monday night Trivia. You should also take this opportunity to expand your own sphere. Sign up for a class, or start hanging out at that open mic you always wanted to check out. Having some places that are all your own, with no shared memories from your relationship, can help you establish your new, single identity.
No Verbal Contact
Still untangling sticky things like leases and shared finances? Do as much of your communication by text or phone as possible. It’s easier to get emotionally involved again when you hear one another’s voices. Email allows you to stick to the practical matters without involving any extraneous, potentially painful, conversation.
Unfriend, Delete, Delete, Delete
Take your ex’s number out of your phone. Unfriend him on every social network. Block her if you know you will not have the strength to keep from looking at what she’s up to now. You need total separation to heal.
Write a Letter
And then burn it. Any time you get the urge to talk to your ex, write down what you would like to tell him or her, and then get rid of it. Putting your feelings down on paper helps articulate them, which can help you deal and get over it all.
Make a Change
Rearrange a room of furniture. Get a new haircut. Get a tattoo. Making changes to the spaces and the body you inhabit can help you move on, and explore new things.
Consider a Fling
Sometimes, spending a little quality time with someone else is the best way to get over your ex. Make sure that you are clean, honest and up-front about the fact that you just broke up with someone and are not ready for a relationship. Even a chaste coffee date with someone you meet online can help you start thinking about the possibilities that are open to newly single you.