We’re having Romi Klinger from The Real L Word on Planet Love Match Radio tomorrow night. Romi is bisexual, and began dating a man recently after spending time in a relationship with a female cast-mate, Whitney. As some fans are forced to (re)consider Romi’s sexual orientation, the backlash all around the internet has shown just how many bizarre notions people still hold about bisexuality. I think some of the weird ideas come from the fact that bisexuality is a less visible orientation, despite the fact that about half of all women will experience some same-sex attraction at some point in their lives. Most people tend toward monogamy, so, someone who is bisexual could, if you don’t ask and they don’t disclose, appear to be hetero or gay. But, bisexual people are actually all over the place. You could, in fact, be reading words written by one (hi there!) right now.

I’ve seen some exquisitely stupid sentiments during this latest kerfuffle, and heard a bunch of others over the years. I’ve curated a special collection of my favorite remarks here for your edification and amusement:

You’re not really bisexual if you’re monogamous.

Bu-wha? This was delivered on the first (and last) date with a guy I met several years ago. I think that this was some weird pressure-through-categorization to engage in an open relationship, but the conversation didn’t get far enough for me to find out.

Just pick one!

No.

I just don't understand why we have to have hetero sex on the ONLY lesbian reality show on TV.

Because bisexuals and heterosexuals were on the show that inspired it? The L Word featured a range of characters representing each letter in LGBT, so, why wouldn’t a reality show about the same subject matter? The truth is that, for many people, settling into a sexual orientation and identity is the result of a process of self discovery.

Bisexuality is a threat to lesbian identity.

I think it’s more accurate to say that misperceptions about bisexuality, lesbianism, and sexual fluidity on an individual level are a problem for lesbian identity, and bi identity, as well. It is true that bisexual women, particularly those who are more prone to form romantic connections with men, enjoy hetero privilege that is not available to lesbians. It’s also true that people are prone to making judgements about groups that really only describe certain individuals. But, that doesn’t make it right to try to force a group back into the closet.

Threesomes! AMIRITE??

That up there is a reaction that a lot of men have to the news that a woman is bisexual. And, if you asked, the answer to the question? Maybe. Depends on the girl. But probably not with you, because you are creepy.

Since I’m already way up here on my soapbox, might as well finish with my soapbox speech. How about we respect each and every person’s right to self-describe and self-identify? If your sexuality is fixed, then that is how it is for you, and that's cool. If it’s fluid, that’s cool, too. However, no one gets to tell anyone else how they get to identify, how they get to express their sexual preference, and who they are allowed to love.

Photo: JungleBoy