9/14/2012 1:13 PM
A lot of guys who are unlucky in love complain that women don’t like them even though (or perhaps because!) they’re so nice. The thing is, a lot of behaviors of so-called “nice guys” aren’t actually nice at all. Instead, they are emotionally manipulative, needy, and, in the end, somewhat disrespectful.
Do you find that you keep falling into the Nice Guy trap? Consider a few of the scenarios below to see if they apply to you.
I Always Treat Girls So Well!
You tell them they’re beautiful and smart, you go out of your way to do nice things for them. Why don’t they want you?!
The truth is, treating girls like if you are not dating them is off-putting. And, for those who would protest that they treat everyone nicely, ask yourself this: do you tell guys that they’re handsome? Do you carry your buddy's books? Of course you don’t. And, when you do these things for women who you are not romantically involved with, you are not treating them with individual respect.
Instead of pulling out the Sir Galahad routine, just talk to women the same way you would talk to men. Have a conversation about common interests. Then, if there seems to be a spark, take a chance and ask her on a date.
Girls Just Want to Date Jerks!
No, we really don’t. If seemingly jerky guys are getting all the girls, it could just be that they are the ones who are asking. If you are romantically interested in someone, ask her on a date. Don’t just hang around thinking/hoping that someday, she will notice how much she means to you.
It’s not merely that assertiveness is attractive; it’s that going ahead and actually asking gives women something to respond to. Do you risk rejection? Of course. But, it’s usually the only way to transition into a romantic relationship.
After All I Did for Her…
You make sure that you are always free to talk. You buy her pizza when she’s feeling down. You compliment her constantly. And still, she has the nerve to fall for some other guy. What gives?
The thing is, romantic relationships are not transactional. The price of her affection cannot be measured in rides to school or meticulously curated mix CDs. She is not obligated to go for the guy who has put forth the most effort on her behalf. People get together when they have romantic chemistry, and has little to do with how much someone has done to win your affection. The XKCD cartoonist had it right. Trying to buy someone’s affection, even if it works, just isn’t a healthy basis for a relationship.
Instead of using manipulative Nice Guy tactics, try for a more open, honest and direct approach with women. You’ll find that you have better luck with the ladies, and that you are happier with your relationships, too.