8/23/2012 11:23 AM
Occasionally, people will send requests for dating, sex and relationship advice. This came in the other day on our Tumblr:
Hi! I have a couple of questions. First, I am naturally a very skinny person so I find it hard to build muscle mass or a little bit of fat to look that little bit larger. Do girls actually like this quality of being skinny in boys/men? Also why is it that girls always go for the jerk? I simply do not get it, I'm always trying to be the nicest person I can to the girls that I like. When a jerk comes along hooks up with her and I end up alone and depressed. (Not as in emo, I am in no way suicidal)
Trapped in the Cosmos
First things first: for every body type out there, there is a person who digs it. I say this as a life-long fan of slim guys who has never found bulky, overly-muscular bodies attractive. And, I know I have plenty of company. Additionally, there are a lot of girls who are not super picky about body type at all, and are much more powerfully drawn to personality. Don’t feel self-conscious about being skinny. If you are comfortable in your own skin, that will come through. Confidence and comfort are attractive.
Also, you might not be skinny forever. You’re still in your teens; you could very well bulk up naturally as you head into your 20s. My advice-columnist idol Dan Savage has a piece of wisdom that he gives to younger readers, which I’m going to repeat now: as much as possible, quit worrying about getting yourself a girlfriend right now. Instead, work on making future, college-aged you the most attractive version of you possible. Work out regularly, and you will eventually get that extra bulk that you want. Cultivate a wide range of interests, so that Future You will be a well-rounded individual who has a lot of different things to talk about. Read the news, read a lot of books, take up at least one hobby that gets you out and talking to all sorts of people on a regular basis. Being alone hurts, but, I promise you that it won’t be permanent.
As far as girls appearing to go for jerks: I don’t think any girl really prefers jerks. Some, especially those who are not as experienced in dating and relationships, will often tolerate more jerky behavior than they should; but jerkiness isn’t the characteristic that attracts the girl. The part that is getting these guys the girl is not the jerkiness: it’s the brash confidence that can often manifest as jerky behavior. You’re nice, but how direct are you about expressing your interest? Do you ask girls on dates, or do you ask to hang out? The only way a girl is going to know for sure that you are interested is if you blatantly state it. This can be really, really intimidating. It will mean that you will face some a lot of rejection. But, being rejected and living to tell the tale is the only thing that can help you get over your fear of rejection. Even if you don’t get the girl now, that’s another gift you can give your future, happy, successful-with-the-ladies self.
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