Many men try to become someone’s boyfriend by being friends first. Some guys do it because they are shy and fear rejection. Sneaking in from the friend zone is, to their thinking, a way to gauge interest without risking that she’ll turn them down. But, there can be a lot of confusion on the way as you try to interpret whether she thinks of you as a possible romantic connection or as just a friend. Trying to figure out what she’s saying in the 160 characters of that text message with the winking smiley at the end? Seek no further. If she’s sending out several of these signals, you are firmly in the friend zone for good.

She doesn’t return calls the same day. Or, you call her, she texts back. It very well could be that she’s just busy, but, if she’s always busy, it’s time to take note. This is a sign that you aren’t super high in her thoughts. 

She says she’s not ready to be in a relationship. You try to push things to the next level and she tells you that she just doesn’t feel that she’s ready to date right now. Maybe she got out of a relationship recently. Or, maybe she says she wants to be single awhile.

I’m sorry to break it to you, but, she’s trying to spare your feelings. What she doesn’t want is a relationship with you. Cut your losses and accept that your friend is just a friend. Also brace yourself for when she does meet someone she wants to date, because, she’ll suddenly find that she’s ready after all.

She says that she doesn’t want to damage your friendship. This is often expressed as “I don’t want to lose you as a friend.” The thing is, she’s not holding back her raging infatuation to preserve your friendship. She’s trying to save the friendship by abstaining from telling you that she just isn’t into you in that way.

She talks about other guys. Does she list out guys she finds attractive? This is a hint that her attention is elsewhere.

She avoids physical contact. If you sit next to her on the couch, does she get up to go to the kitchen and sit on the easy chair when she gets back? She’s trying to put a little space between you and her. This isn’t something people do when they are interested in someone romantically.

How can you avoid being on the receiving end of these signals? Expand your possible dating pool beyond your platonic friends. When you go out, talk to women who you don't already know. Make an online dating profile. Instead of asking women to hang out, ask them on dates. Yes, this is going to increase the amount of rejection you receive. Rejection sucks, but, it has this going for it: it’s a clear cut signal. Better to get a firm no than to waste months wondering. Because, once you get to “no,” that frees you to go out there and find that yes.

Photo: Ollie Crafood